I Was A Weird Kid/Transcript


 * Adam: Before this video begins I just wanna let you all know that we do have new merch inside of the merch store right now include the brand-new "Common Sense Hoodie" which I know you guys have been asking for. I really hope you guys enjoy it because it...looks how I like it, looks cool, heh. That and it would help the channel out and me very much so because of..... YouTube's been.. It's been a little wonky with those...with that demonetization. So.. yeah! So, so yeah, so go check out the hoodie, it's in the merch store right now including a poster and some stickers. So, do- do.. OK, blah-bye! Heh heh. I tried vegemite for the first time the other day. (live-action clip begins, Adam puts vegemite jar and spoon on table, then opens jar and puts lid on table, scoops a spoonful) Ah dude, that's a lot, ah.. (smells it) MM!!
 * Jameson: That smells horrible, uh!
 * Adam: Ah man.. OK, I'm ready. Hahahahahaha-
 * Jameson: You're not afraid of anything. Conquer your fears!
 * Adam: (smacks table) I'm not afraid of anything except for whales, sea cucumbers, and heights! (eats spoonful of vegemite) It's not that bad, it's not- It's not bad at all! (throws up in trash bin) It's fine, I'm fine. I'm fine! I'm fine!! (throws up in trash bin) I'm FINE!! (sprays his mouth with water from hose, looking as if he was throwing up) Hahahaha! Heh heh... (back to animation) So that was fun. Contrary to popular belief, I honestly don't think it's all that bad. I mean it's freaking disgusting but not as bad as people make it out to be. Plus I ate like a spoonful. I'm pretty sure just saying that pissed off all of Australia. So yeah!! Anyways, I was a weird kid, let's talk about that. According to my mom, I was a handful when I was growing up. At the age of 3, I was super hyper, incredibly handsome, and for some reason, in love with bananas. I loved them so much to the point where my mom had to literally stop buying bananas because otherwise, I would know. My little baby nanner sensors would go off and I would know right when one of those delicious yellow potassium-filled boomerangs entered my house. And, heh heh heh, if there was a banana in my house, by golly, it was going into my mouth. Wait that.... That didn't... That didn't sound- I- I really- I really liked bananas, but I- I'm- I'm not- Not that there's anything wrong with putting a banana in your mouth. I- I was just- I was.. I was... Was just gonna eat the bananas. I was 3. One day, my mom decided to buy some bananas, but she knew if I saw them, they would immediately be devoured. So instead of putting them on the kitchen table with the rest of the fruit, she decided to find a hiding spot.
 * Mom: Hmm, where should I.. the top cabinet? No, I'd probably forget it's there. (sigh) Under the.. Under the sink? No, he can definitely reach down there. Umm, how about the... AH!! On top of the fridge!
 * Adam: She knew my weakness. The only thing that could stop me from acquiring those golden arches of mushy deliciousness, TALL THINGS. At first, I didn't know they were up there, but one day I was watching some Teletubbies, sipping on my sipping cup and enjoying a relaxing day not having to worry about taxes, when suddenly.....the power goes out. What? What happened? What is this? Where are my Teletubbies?! Uh, he- hello! Excuse me! Tall lady person!! Y- You see a problem here!? Anything at all? My Teletubbies have vanished and I don't have object permanence figured out yet so I think they died. So fix that! Give me my Tubbies! I need my- Why aren't you listening!?!
 * Mom: Hmm, seems like the power went out. I'll be right back, sweetie. You stay right here.
 * Adam: Finally! Now...what am I supposed to do? Sit here? Uh.. Probably gonna die of baby boredom before she even returns. Pfft... I could go for some apple juice right now. What is an apple? What is juice? AHG!!! Where the frick is that tall lady person with my Tele- Tele- Tel- Hellooo??? It was like destiny! No matter how far you keep us apart, the universe knew. The universe knew that those bananas were meant to be digested by my stomach fluids! According to my mom, she was looking for her phone to call up the electric company to see if she needed to pay a bill, but forgot she left it on the kitchen counter. So she walked out of her room, went back downstairs, went to grab the phone, and to her surprise, saw me just sitting on top of the fridge, dangling my baby feet, living the high life, and eating bananas. She said she had no idea how I got up there and I was just, well, I was just there.
 * Mom: Hahaha, what the-? Ah, how did you even get up there?!
 * Adam: Laugh while you can, mother, because I can now see the peak of your hiding abilities, while I'm only beginning to tap into mine.
 * Mom: Hahaha, did you just climb up??
 * Adam: You see, I have finally realized the legend.
 * Mom: Haha OK, I think you had your fun. Get down now, you little turd-nugget.
 * Adam: That's right, you're not dealing with the average baby anymore, mother. I, ADAM, HAVE no idea how I got up here, I think I'm stuck, get me down from here please. Fast forward a little and my imagination was going HAM in my newly kid-formed body. What!? HAHAHAHA!! There wasn't really much I could do at that age because, well, can't drive, go places by myself, stay up past 8, watch rated PG-13 movies, or even drink...my juice boxes....filled with wine. So I would just let my imagination unwind a bit, ah, and play a good game of pretend. I would mainly just conjure up your typical kids' stuff. Y'know, the kind of things that a seven-year-old would probably, most likely, definitely be in. Shadow, we need to calculate the amount of money made throughout the year and subtract 25% of it to give to the government while also worrying if we even did the math right and hoping we didn't forget any extra cash we collected from small jobs before this facility detonates. (So Taxes..) Don't you bring my mother into this! OK OK, before you make fun, yes, I had a Shadow the Hedgehog doll- I mean action figure!! And yes, he was awesome. I used to do everything with that doll- action figure. Shadow was the homey. During the summer breaks, I had a cousin who we should call....King Waldorf, who would come over to my house to hang out but like I said before, we were children and there was not much you could do as a child except letting your imagination run wild, so that's exactly what we did. Usually through cute innocent little superhero battles.
 * Shadow: Damn, not here...
 * Adam: SHADOW, NOOOOOOO!!!!
 * King Waldorf: Oh, there he goes! And I hope he sends my condolences to Maria. HAHAHAHAHA!! And as for you... (coughs) Ouch. You thought you could defeat me? A weakling like you!? HAHA!! HAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! Hmmm.... (walks over to Adam and steps on him)
 * Adam: ARRG!! (coughs) You son of a b-
 * King Waldorf: EH!! Nah-ah-ah! Your dad's home.
 * Adam: (coughs) You killed my best friend!
 * King Waldorf: Welp, look at the bright side, you'll be joining him very soon. (steps on Adam again) Any last words??
 * Adam: Yeah, heh heh... (coughs) As a great man once said, you're too slow.
 * King Waldorf: Wait, what, wasn't that Son- (Bakugo explosion)
 * Adam: As you can see things got a little.. dramatic. Now that I think about it, my seven-year-old self would be amazing at making horrible fanfiction. To be honest though, it's not too weird for a child to be playing pretend, but after that day, I'm pretty sure I stopped talking to my cousin for a solid month because he murdered my Shadow the Hedgehog doll. I MEAN ACTION FIG- Fast forward a couple more years, 8th Grade I believe, and my shenanigans still haven't really let off. So me and a couple kids used to love playing hide and go seek in the dark throughout our apartment complex. Probably not the safest thing in the world, but eh...could be worse. Could be doing drugs. Some kids used to hate playing with me because of how scary it would be when it came to me seeking and how frustrating it would be when I would hide. The reasoning behind that is because I was one of the few kids who didn't really care about bugs and junk, so I literally just hide in the bushes waiting for my next victim or I go full-fledge ninja mode and literally hide in the shadows so no one can see me at first glance. One day we were playing and people were starting to understand how I work. As soon as the game started, the seekers and hiders would check the bushes and take a second glance at dark areas just to find me. They were catching me left and right to the point where I needed to develop an entirely new strategy. So my 14-year-old self decided it would be a great idea to go to the camping store with my mom and buy things a child like myself should NOT be buying. I decided to buy a ski mask, a black sweater, a thing of rope to trip my victim, some black pants, and black running shoes. You can see where I'm going with this. You might be asking:
 * Viewer: Wait, Adam, didn't this raise any flags with your mom!?
 * Adam: Dude, I don't even know. Hahahaha.. She was just going with the flow. I mean it was my money, so she didn't really care. However comma, the cashier was a little bit more....cautious. I'd like to buy all this stuff please!
 * Cashier: Uh.. OK.
 * Adam: Thanks!
 * Cashier: So uh.. What are you doing with all this stuff?
 * Adam: Oh y'know, the usual.
 * Cashier: OK OK, uh.. You wait here please.
 * Adam: Gee whillikers sir, of course I can! Heh heh... So moments later, he came back and of course, he brought his good ol' jolly friend security guards.
 * Security guard: So.. Why are you buying all these things?
 * Adam: Y'know, the usual.
 * Security guard: What does that even mean? Are you- Kid, what are you planning on doing with all this stuff?
 * Adam: I'm gonna put it on and hide in the shadows, waiting for my next victim to annoying pass by.
 * Security guard: You- Victim?? What are you gonna do when you get a hold of said victim?
 * Adam: Put my hands on them of course, so they lose the game!
 * Security guard: Oh, so this is a game to you! OK, I've heard enough! You're going away for a long time, pal.
 * Adam: What?! Yes! I- Hide and go seek is a game. Duh! What else would I be using this stuff for? Wait, ohhh. Ohhh! Oh Ohhh!! OHHH!!! Heh heh.. NO. You're wrong. I then explained to the security guard my plan to hide in the shadows like a full-fledged ninja and they seemed pretty chill after that. One of the guards was even like:
 * Security guard: Not gonna lie, I thought of that as a kid.
 * Adam: I then get back home and once again we all start playing hide and go seek in the dark. Of course, my plan worked flawlessly. No one would see me coming! I was tagging kids left and right, pouncing at every opportunity I could. No one was able to find me! Once again, I was the ninja-assassin-warrior I was respected for being. Yep, it was a great time to be alive... Oh and also the police would call for a suspicious character wearing a mask. OK bye, love you!

End-card

 * Adam: Well I hope you enjoy that video. Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe, and comment down below what weird things you did as a kid, I would love to read them, I loved, y'know, reading all the stories that you put inside the comment section. Really fun! Also I, yeah, OK, heh heh.. I was- I was a weird kid...as a kid, but that's OK. If you're weird, then who cares? Fine, fine, who cares, pfft. Oh when I was little, I had a- I had a- had an imaginary friend with my cousin who we should call... Br-bra, b-bar, bar-be, Barbeduke. Heh heh.. And like years later, I'm talking about maybe a year or two ago, I asked her, I was like, "You remember that, uh, you remember imaginary friend we had? The dolphin? It was a dolphin." And she looks at me and goes, "Oh yeah, it died." HAHAHAHA!! She didn't explain why it died or how it died, it just died. It was... Poor thing, it was a dolphin too, and like, dolphins are pretty cool, I guess. I mean they are from the ocean, and frick! Frick the ocean. At this point I'm just talking, trying to get the- trying to get the fanart going, but yeah! Once again, don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe, and.. I want to say "See you in the next one", but that's not- That's Markiplier. Heh heh! Stay hydrated. (video ends with clip of Adam filling up a cup of water)